anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
