Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
