shes about as inviting as chlamydia
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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