Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
