You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
