Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
