And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
