You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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