flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
