dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
