Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
