Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
