I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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