i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
