i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
