Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
