The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
