God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i came on her dog
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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