I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
