WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
The maid of honor just puked.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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