it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
