she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
