I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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