i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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