its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
