We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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