I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
