OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
