Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
