Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
