Umm I'm too high to move.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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