Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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