and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I have fence marks all over my body
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
