so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
