took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
