i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
