I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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