Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
