He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
