Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
