I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
