It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
