from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
