I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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