I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
