you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
