My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
