So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
