the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
