According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
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